Understanding Avoidant Attachment Style
Attachment style is a significant factor in how individuals behave and interact within romantic relationships. Therefore understanding your own attachment style as well as your partner’s is essential in creating and maintaining healthy relationships.
Today we will be discussing Avoidant Attachment Style, which can unfortunately put limits on the depth of human connection. Recognizing the signs in yourself or your significant other can help you develop healthier relationships and deeper emotional security. From fear of intimacy to emotional distance, these are the key indicators to look out for.
Fear of intimacy: People with avoidant attachment style are not necessarily closed off to intimate relationships, but rather have a heightened fear of being hurt that leads them to practice self-protection. They may be slow to open up and take their time to trust you.
Conflict avoidance: They often go out of their way to avoid confrontation and may suppress their emotions, leading to misunderstandings and a lack of emotional connection.
Rigid boundaries: They have rigid boundaries to protect themselves from being hurt. These boundaries stand guard between them and potential partners, leaving little room for true connection or growth within relationships.
Fear of being with the wrong partner: They may avoid commitment or show indecisiveness in relationships due to a fear of being with the wrong partner. And this is due to a deep-seated concern over being hurt in an intimate relationship. If you don’t attach to anyone, you never get hurt, right?
Suppressed emotions: They learned to suppress their emotions to cope with the intense attachment anxiety as a child, so now as an adult too, they avoid sitting with or expressing their emotions, leading to a lack of emotional intimacy with their partners.
Difficulty asking for help: Due to the fear of being a burden to others, (or fear of being “too much” to their loved ones) they may struggle with asking for help, leading to feelings of isolation.
Difficulty with affection: They may have trouble giving or receiving affection. It makes partners with an avoidant attachment style feel extremely vulnerable when they try to be affectionate.
They learned to do without to survive their childhood with inconsistent affection from their caregivers. Now, they are awkward when they try to give and receive affection and often think that their partners also shouldn’t depend on receiving affection from them to feel loved.
Emotional unavailability: They distance themselves emotionally from others, again as a protective measure. They might refuse to listen to their partner’s needs or show any kind of empathy and compassion, walk away from difficult conversations, or minimize the importance of making meaningful connections with others.
Healing from an avoidant attachment style can be a difficult process, but it’s one that can bring immense reward. It is important to remember that no one is born with this type of attachment – it is a learned behavior. The key to healing is to work through the underlying causes of avoidance.
One of the first steps towards healing is recognizing when you’re feeling anxious and overwhelmed in interpersonal relationships. It’s time to examine why those feelings exist and what could be causing them. Analyze the relationship dynamics and notice if any patterns emerge; are there certain types of interactions that trigger these reactions? Understanding the triggers can help give insight into why avoiding certain relationships has become necessary in order to prevent distress.
From here, actively challenge yourself on ways to respond differently when faced with situations that have previously resulted in a need for avoidance. Set realistic goals for yourself and practice responding differently when challenges arise – this will help create new pathways in your brain to effectively manage future interactions without resorting to avoidance.