Exploring Anxious Attachment Wounds in Relationships: Understanding and Healing the Emotional Scars

I hope you all survived the holidays and the time you spent with your loved ones were supportive and caring.

Following our recent conversations on attachment wounds, I wanted to explore this topic more in-depth, by looking at how these attachment injuries might show up in individuals/partners with an anxious attachment style.

Attachment wounds are emotional scars that are formed in early childhood due to a lack of secure attachment or emotional support from primary caregivers. These wounds can have a profound effect on our adult relationships and can manifest in a variety of ways.

If you have an anxious attachment style, attachment issues might show up as:

1) Abandonment anxiety – a fear of being abandoned or rejected by significant others. Someone with this issue might become excessively clingy or jealous in their relationships, due to a fear that their partner will leave them.

2) Difficulty with self-regulation – an inability to control one’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in a healthy manner. This could manifest as trouble managing anger, leading to outbursts or physical aggression.

3) Unhealthy boundaries (too porous) – a lack of clearly defined personal boundaries, such that one allows others to overly influence or control them. This might be demonstrated as an inability to say “no” to unreasonable demands from others or feeling guilty when asserting their own needs.

4) Fear of being alone – an intense fear of being alone or spending time by oneself. This might be exhibited by always seeking out the company of others, even when it’s not in their best interest, because the thought of being alone is unbearable.

5) Low self-worth – a negative self-evaluation and belief that one is not good enough or worthy of love and respect. This could be demonstrated by constantly putting oneself down or having trouble accepting compliments.

6) Seeking validation and assurance – a need for external validation and reassurance from others. This might be demonstrated by constantly seeking validation from others through questions like “Do you like me?”, “Do you think I’m good at this?”, or “Do you think I look okay?”.

7) Excessive anxiety overall – a persistent and overwhelming sense of apprehension or fear, often without an identifiable trigger. People with this might experience a range of physical and mental symptoms, such as headaches, muscle tension, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, insomnia, and irritability.

If you recognize yourself in some or many of these tendencies, it might be helpful to start working with an attachment therapist who specializes in healing attachment issues. At CHC, our therapists are dedicated to helping individuals heal their emotional wounds and improve their relationships. Don’t hesitate to reach out to us and book an appointment on our website. It takes only a few minutes to set up and could be the first step on a journey of self-discovery and healing.