Healing from infidelity

Infidelity in a committed relationship is extremely destructive. It often causes an immense strain on the partners involved and the relationship itself.

A lot of couples contact me after an incident(s) of infidelity. They are looking for help in dealing with feelings, such as shock, anger, betrayal, jealousy, loneliness, confusion, disappointment, guilt, shame, remorse, loss of respect, and loss of identity.

It is very important to learn, how to cope with all these intense emotions caused by infidelity, how to mourn the loss of the innocence of the earlier relationship, and how to rebuild trust again.

But more importantly, it is absolutely crucial to learn why the infidelity happened in the first place and how we can make the relationship infidelity proof in the future. And I think this is where Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) does exceptionally well, compared to other couples therapy modalities. It also allows couples to realize the importance of connection and intimacy and teaches them how to build this strong bond between them through vulnerability.


More at Johnson, S. M. (2005). Broken bonds: An emotionally focused approach to infidelity. Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy4(2/3), 17-29.


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Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)? 

“EFT is a well-known humanistic approach to psychotherapy formulated in the 1980s and developed in tandem with the science of adult attachment, a profound developmental theory of personality and intimate relationships.  This science has expanded our understanding of individual dysfunction and health as well as the nature of love relationships and family bonds.

Attachment views human beings as innately relational, social and wired for intimate bonding with others.  The EFT model prioritizes emotion and emotional regulation as the key organizing agents in individual experience and key relationship interactions.

EFT is best known as a cutting edge, tested and proven couple intervention, but it is also used to address individual depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress (EFIT – Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy) and to repair family bonds (EFFT – Emotionally Focused Family Therapy).”

More information at ICEEFT.


Why should I choose a therapist who uses EFT as their treatment modality? 

  • EFT has been validated by over 30 years of empirical research.
  • EFT is based on clear, explicit research-based conceptualizations of individual growth, health and dysfunction, and relationship distress and adult love.
  • EFT is collaborative and respectful of clients, combining experiential Rogerian techniques with structural systemic interventions.
  • Change strategies and interventions are specified.
  • EFT has been applied to many different kinds of problems and populations.

Emotionally Focused Therapy With Couples — The Social Work Connection
By Lynn K. Jones, DSW

3685 Motor Ave #220
Los Angeles, CA 90034
3711 Long Beach Blvd
Long Beach CA 90807
(562) 353-5335

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