Cheating or infidelity can happen in any relationship or marriage. And there are several different reasons why people cheat, including; lack of sex or sexual satisfaction in the relationship, feeling disconnected with the partner, insecurity and low self-esteem, feeling unappreciated or unimportant in the relationship.

Some couples are able to overcome the affair and manage to stay together. But others call it quits because they are not able to recover from the damage the affair has caused. So how do we prevent infidelity? Here are 7 tips you can implement to your daily life to help you do that.

1. Make your partner a priority. Make him/her feel important.

Do you find yourself extremely busy all the time? So does everyone else. MAKE TIME and text or call your partner and let them know how much you value them in your life. Let your partner know that he/she is your priority. A friend argued with me on this point stating that he couldn’t put his girlfriend first over everything because then it meant that he had to neglect his daughter (he was a single dad) or his job. I reminded him that I never suggested those things, and what he said was a very black and white thinking. Then I shared with him that I wouldn’t want to be his girlfriend if I knew that I would always be his 2nd or 3rd priority. I told him that maybe he can create more balanced life so that he could be the best dad, best employee, and the best boyfriend (since he was, “I want it all” kind of guy). Or he could just find someone who is okay being 3rd most important thing in his life. Whether he will find her attractive or not, I’m not sure.

2. Communicate your needs and wants.

Make time to talk with your partner about your feelings and desires. People bond through sharing intimate things about self with each other. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable with your partner, it will help you become closer to your partner and stay connected with him/her. I have one tip I can give for those of you who struggle with being vulnerable (as I am too still working on this area). We all think that we will be safe behind the walls we build for ourselves to prevent from getting hurt. We think if we hide behind the walls we will be safe. But it’s not true, and we still feel very afraid and insecure. I found out from my own and my clients’ experience that it is when you break down those walls to connect with others you can finally start feeling safe. And your vulnerability offers your partner a chance to be vulnerable him/herself, which will only deepen your connection with one another.

3. Have more sex!!!! Just do it.

I know. You are tired or you are just not feeling it. But, do it anyway. Why? Because having sex has so many mental and physical benefits. Here is a short list of benefits of sex that could help you have more sex.

4. Show appreciation.

Think about what you appreciate in your partner and express it frequently. Don’t forget to say “thank you,” for small things your partner does for you every day or “please” when you ask him/her a favor. Make your partner feels valued and loved. A sincere compliment like “you look so handsome in that outfit,” or “I’m so lucky to have such a caring wife” could go a long way.

5. Touch each other every day (does not have to be sexually).

To maintain a physical connection, you don’t have to have an intercourse every day. You can feel and stay connected with your partner by hugging, kissing, cuddling, caressing, stroking and etc. As we talked about in my previous blog posts, physical touch increases the level of Oxytocin, which is a bonding hormone. Even though we all live a crazy busy life, we do have time for little smooches or hugs here and there. And these little expressions of affection really count when it comes to building and maintaining a connection and a bond between couples.

6. Work on your insecurity.

It is incredibly sexy when one is confident and knows how to carry him/herself. Being insecure is the antithesis of sexy or attractive. Being insecure about yourself and/or your relationship will work against you and could push your partner away, which is the opposite of your goal. If you don’t accept and love yourself, no one else will either. Accept and love yourself for who you are and keep bettering yourself to be the best version of yourself. Wouldn’t you will feel confident and secure about yourself, If you are living the best version of yourself or in the process of getting there? It is often difficult to navigate through insecurity issues, and you might benefit from working with a professional.

7. Keep yourself up.

When you are single, you hit the gym every day, take dance lessons, and go out with your friends. You keep yourself busy and interesting. When you become attached, you stop working out, stop taking classes, and stop hanging out with your friends. You literally stop doing everything that your partner found attractive about you when you two first met. Stay healthy and fit physically and mentally and keep reinventing yourself. Not only your partner will keep finding you attractive, it will help you feel happy and confident about yourself.

8. Keep having fun with your partner.

Couples who do things together, stay together. Sharing common interests and activities will strengthen the relationship with your partner. Happy couples enjoy each other’s company whatever the activity is. Take interest in what your partner enjoys and try doing it with him/her. You might also grow fond of it especially because this activity becomes something that the two of you always do together.

9. Spend some time apart from your partner.

I know it sounds like I am constricting myself here, but I am not. As much # 8 on this list is important, it is imperative that you and your partner spend some time alone or away from each other. Develop a support system other than your significant other so that you don’t have to solely be dependent on your partner physically and/or emotionally. In his book, The Prophet, Kahil Gibran said, “And stand together yet not too near together, for the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.” In order to find balance and independence, start doing things with your friends and family again like how you used to, prior to the relationship. Make new friends (i.e. through attending local Meetups) and start doing some of the activities alone (i.e. going to a movie, taking a class, and working out).   Remember, you have the power to change/maintain your relationship. And power comes with responsibilities. So stop complaining about what your partner is not doing for you and start leading by example.

Liz Wee, LMFT, ATR

Do you want to learn more about how you can improve your relationship with your partner? Or are you an individual, who's working on self right now to have better relationships in the future? I would love to assist you!

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